March 9, 2021
We’re chatting about something we think we all struggle with at one point or another to one extent or another. And wow it’s a big one.
Our mindsets are one of the most powerful tools (or land mines) we have in life. Having the right mindsets often leads to massive, long-lasting success. It’s not just fluffy words and “you can do it” attitudes… it’s deeply seeded psychological responses that dictate our actions in life.
We’re diving into one of the killer mindsets that can destroy us if we’re not careful. The reality is, victim mentality keeps you from living the life God called you to live. We’re believing lies that dictate our identity, worth, and abilities. It’s one of the biggest roadblocks keeping you from success.
We talk about how to know if you’re struggling with a victim mentality and then dive into how to fight and overcome it. If you’re ready to stop sitting around letting lies control your life, you’re gonna want to listen to this episode.
It is a tough-love episode but is also something that everyone struggles with in one form or another. It’s also something that could be perceived as harsh, we’re not wanting to call you out, but it also can prevent you from living out the life that God called you into. Step out of living like a victim and living in the true calling that God called you to. That is our heart behind this episode. It’s to empower you and the best kick in the pants with the love possible and is a reminder for us as well.
You are worthy of doing the things God called you to. You are worthy of living out your dreams and we need to overcome some fears and lies.
“I don’t have x like Sally does… I could never do what she’s done.”
“Oh if only ___ hadn’t happened to me.”
You’re always angry at the world and your circumstances.
You feel powerless to change your circumstances.
Self-worth – “Oh I’m so ugly. I’m not good enough.”
You view EVERYTHING as negative and out to get you.
“I wish I could do ___ but I don’t have enough money…”
By opening the door to victim mentality, you’re opening the door to lies. And by opening the door to lies, you’re opening the door to Satan.
You focus too much on comparison in victim mentality. By nature, you’re presenting yourself as a victim to other people and circumstances. Everyone struggles with comparison. Especially in the age of social media. You look online and you assume that their life is perfect, easy, and they got to where they’re at with a snap of their fingers. That is the crux of everything, of what is detrimental to ourselves when we start comparing our lives to others in that way. Especially when we don’t know them and only see the front on social media.
Some of these phrases might be true but the point of it is your mindset. We can’t control what happens to us in life, life is unfair, but we can control our mindset. You get to choose if you are a victim or not in every circumstance.
The distinction is you might be a victim, absolutely, if your house burns down you are a victim in that situation. In that situation you are a victim but does that mean you should fall into the victim mentality? That is the distinction. You can be a victim in a situation but staying out of the victim mentality can be dangerous. Victim mentality strips you of any power, any hope, any will to move forward. It almost straps you down and leaves you hogtied on the side of the road. Even though you might genuinely be a victim in a situation, being aware to not also fall into the victim mentality. That doesn’t mean you can’t grieve or be frustrated, you can have that time to process those emotions that might be coming but the mentality is going to hurt you.
Life isn’t fair and everyone is born into different circumstances. It is looking at the circumstances that happened to you and not becoming a victim to them. Maybe truly you can’t change that circumstance but how can you live in that or overcome it or pivot to let it work for you. It all comes back to mindset.
How are you going to look at your circumstances and make the most of what you have?
A key flag for victim mentality is you are viewing everything as negative and that the world and everyone around you is out to get you. Even your looks and your body is out to get you. We also have to be very careful in our relationships. “They don’t understand, they don’t treat me well, they don’t love me in my love language”. It can happen in any relationship but especially our romantic relationships. Either we are perfect and they are at fault or we’re the victim and they are the big bad mean monster. That does not help relationships in any way shape or form.
It is a domino effect, to open the door to allowing the victim mentality mindset to come in, you are opening the door to lies. There are a lot of lies you are believing and living in victim mentality. When you are opening that door to lies you are opening that door to satan. Those types of access he loves and will take any chance he has to dig those claws in and let those lies bleed out.
Be aware of when that door starts to creak open, then turn around and close and lock that door.
Don’t sit in your frustrations and turn angry at the world or wallowing in misery. How can you actively look at the good in any situation and put yourself in the mindset of how can you take a sucky situation and turn it positive?
You can feel emotions. You can feel angry, upset, miserable, but it is not sitting in it. It is not allowing that to control your mind and actions. It’s okay to process those emotions, it is healthy to process those emotions. From there once you have processed those emotions, you are processing them from a place of wanting to work through it, then it goes into you deciding to either sit in it or are you going to turn and look at the truckload of lemons and decide how you are going to make lemonade.
Stop comparing. If something is triggering you online, stop following them or take a break from social media. Take a break from TV, looking at magazines, or do what you need to. Instead, spend time with friends, spend time in the word if you are a believer, get in your community where they can speak life into you.
Self-worth is a big one. Stopping the negative self-talk that you say or think about yourself. Stop saying those things, when you catch yourself, replace them with positive thoughts. You wouldn’t say those things to a loved one. Why are you saying them to yourself?
We would also suggest counseling and therapy. It is so beneficial. Even if you feel like you are not in a place where you are genuinely broken. Think, you don’t go get your oil changed when your car is completely depleted, you go regularly to maintain the health of your car. It is the same situation for ourselves.
Be very careful with who you surround yourself with. Have accountability with people who will call you out on your B.S. and help keep you from your areas of weakness.
We don’t shy away from sharing our faith or apologize for that. Everyone is welcome and we are not shoving anything down anyone’s throat. God did not create you to live as a victim. You are so incredible and you were created to do incredible things. If you believe in Him, you are saved and are in a royal priesthood now that you’re in Christ. You need to walk in that. We were not created to live in a woe is me mentality because God didn’t create you to live that way. He created you to do glorious things for the kingdom of God and to walk boldly and confidently in Him and change the world.
This episode might sound harsh, but the reality is:
“Life isn’t fair.” It’s true! It’s not! You have advantages and resources that other people could only dream of having. Other people have other advantages as well. Stop dwelling on what they have that you don’t and start working on what you want with what you DO have.
Remember: “Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond.”.
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WASSUP FRIENDS. We’re Evie + Lindsey, co-founders of this wild partayyy called The Heart University. Our goal is to empower entrepreneurs to kick freaking BUTT in their businesses, dive down into the heart of their why and how, and serve you with all possible tools you’ll need to up-level your business game and CRUSH those goals of yours.
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