March 17, 2020
Today Lindsey sits down to chat with Evie and her ex boyfriend Landon ALL about how to navigate a breakup in a healthy way. And before you freak out, they are still dating now, but their story goes way back! Evie originally dated Landon a couple of years ago and they had a super painful breakup. Both had no intention of getting back together, but magic happened and here we are today!
We dive into all things breakup. We talk about how to learn and grow from breakups, what Landon thinks Evie did right and wrong both during their breakup and after, and the breakup and dating culture in our society.
If you’re in a season, whether you are dating or not, and you feel God calling you to give up something you see as “good” or “good enough” in exchange for the something GREAT He is has in store then please listen to this episode. Evie and Landon spew relationship and breakup advice way beyond their years and we truly hope this episode touches your soul and shows you your worth.
Here’s navigating a breakup with Evie & and her ex (and now current) boyfriend Landon!
There are so many different facets and parts to their story and journey. Evie and Landon met four years ago while in ministry school in Northern California. They started dating and fell head over heels in love with each other. They dated for about nine months and at the end of that walked through a really painful and unexpected break up. It was one of the hardest seasons in both of their lives. God made it super clear, overnight, that they were not supposed to be together in that season. They both were in love with each other and honestly did not want to part ways.
They were able to grow so much from that season. When they first started dating, they didn’t have a ton of time to get to know each other just as friends. They were in a relationship with each other for 9 months and were really close, but they felt like the Lord was saying to have a season apart so they could put their focus back on him. They were able to rebuild their relationships with Jesus, and eventually one another.
One of the most incredible parts of their story is how the Lord orchestrated them coming back together.
Neither of them expected to get back together. The breakup was so final, messy, painful, and crazy that they both walked away 100% certain that they were done. To be where they are today is such a testament to who God is.
Without a doubt, going through their breakup season made them stronger and developed them individually in such a beautiful and unique way. When you go through any type of breakup, it really forces you to evaluate everything. It forced Evie and Landon to run to Jesus. It gave them the opportunity to reset their lives and figure out what they were doing and where they were going.
Evie learned a lot about surrender. It was the most stripping season she had ever been in. She lost her career path, plan, and identity that she had been under for 4 years. She had just moved back from ministry school to Ohio and was living with her parents. On top of everything, Landon was out of her life. It was the most stripping season she had ever been in. The question God kept asking was, “Do you trust me?” It was a come to Jesus moment for her. Evie had the choice to wallow or choose Jesus and her future. Evie is now so grateful she went through that refining fire season because of all that came out of it. She is where she is today because of that season where everything else was stripped away and she had no choice but to pursue God.
Landon found a really great community of people that were a part of his church. He met with mentors, counselors, and family friends. He ran to people that would surround him, bring him good advice, and love him really well. In any type of season that is difficult it is so important to have people that are speaking life over you and loving you rather than pushing you in the wrong way. Landon intentionally ran to Jesus and people that would point him to Jesus.
Evie was very intentional with her time with the Lord. She grew up in a strong Christian home and with a strong relationship with the Lord. Her first reaction when feeling pain is to dive into Jesus. That is the #1 thing you can do when you are walking through a breakup or walking through any sort of pain.
Practically, you should be intentional of what you listen to and watch. Most girls are very sensitive to influences from the outside: movies, songs, etc. So much music is centered around love. Any time Evie would listen to music she would feel so much pain. She set a boundary for herself and for about 5 months she only listened to worship. This was so helpful to constantly hear God’s truth, promises, and assurances instead of love songs and emotions that were going to stir up her pain. In the same way, don’t watch romance movies and sit down and wallow. Be strategic and be intentional about taking care and nurturing your heart in that season. Fill it with truth, healing and peace, don’t just stir up the hornet’s nest unnecessarily.
Our culture tells us to go wallow or go out and party to push down the pain. We really need to run to something that is healthy and brings life to us. Even though you are going through a hard season, you should run to something that brings healing.
In the moment that they decided to stop dating, Evie continued to hold herself with the most amount of respect and love for Landon. From that moment, Evie told Landon she loved him, believed in him, and would always be there for him. She told him that even though they were moving in separate directions, she didn’t look at him with hate. Just because there was pain and a mystery of the future, they still looked at one another with love and respect.
It is really hard when you break up with someone to have a clean cut and break communication completely. For Landon and Evie, there were a few weeks and months that they would go back and forth with communication. Looking back, it could have been better to cut communication for a period of time to move forward.
It’s so important to set expectations when you separate ways. Evie and Landon were able to talk through the expectation of boundaries. Be intentional to begin your healing and not postpone that process by talking with one another.
One thing Evie is grateful they did was to set a time frame to not talk to each other at all. They used this time to press in to the Lord and begin the healing journey. After the two months they began to talk with one another and communicate how they were doing, but they almost opened up the conversation too much. Although they knew they were done, they were struggling not to call one another every other day.
They needed the clean break to continue. It’s a learning process and a journey.
Evie feels that you should absolutely not hold on to hope unless God tells you to wait for that person. For Evie, setting that clean closure, moving on in her life, and beginning the healing process was crucial.
Most people walking through a breakup and waiting for the other person are not able to work on their own healing and growth because they are just waiting for the other person to come back.
You can part ways with a lot of grace and love toward the other person while agreeing to not sit around and wait.
For Landon and Evie, they were not able to fully move on in their journey until they completely let go of the idea of being together. Holding out and waiting for someone can often just drive you crazy. It is so hard to let go and it definitely isn’t something that happens overnight.
Before Landen, Evie was talking to a guy and they were considering dating. He was a great childhood friend and Evie really respected him. Evie talked with one of her friends and kept saying “he’s such a good guy.” Her friend told her that just because he is a really good guy, doesn’t mean he is your guy.
Evie is so glad she didn’t try to pursue something that was just “good enough”. So many women struggle with being content with good enough because we are afraid of the unknown. We know what is in front of us and it feels safe and comfortable. We are afraid to step away from that into the unknown. When we trust God with our future and our stories his reward is so much bigger, better, and beautiful.
Give up good for great.
In Landon’s opinion, when guys go through breakups they tend to push down the emotions and pain. Our culture tells us to go out to parties or bars and escape. We are tempted to give into those things that culture says will bring us hope or joy.
Instead of pushing everything down, look at them and recognize them. Ask yourself what you are feeling, what you are going through, and where you are going.
Finding groups of people in your lives that can help, guide, and bring healthy habits to you is crucial. If you are a person of faith, cry out to Jesus and talk to your Father. Ask him what he has for you.
Ask yourself the real questions and actually deal with the problem.
If you aren’t someone who goes to church, maybe go on a hike alone or do some mediating.
Ask yourself as a man where am I at, what am I feeling, what am I needing right now, and how can I move forward in a healthy way? Every human should really process this when they go through a breakup.
Landon would hold her in the face, look her in the eyes, and tell her she is worth it, she is valuable, and she deserves the best. You don’t have to stay where you are out of fear, or fear of loneliness. The women that are in relationships that are just okay, may be compromising and holding back from what is great around the corner.
Don’t stay in just “okay” when you have “great” available. Don’t believe the lie that you aren’t worth the very best. There is better for you. Most of the time if you are second guessing that a relationship may not be worth it or if he may not be the right person it might be the right time to have a healthy, mature conversation and go a different way. That is the beautiful thing about dating. Dating is going through the process to find your partner. Not every relationship is going to end in marriage and that is okay.
Many girls have this view that a breakup is equivalent to failure. It has a negative connotation to it. This is such a false perception of dating and breakups because your purpose in dating somebody is figuring out if they are the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you walk away from the relationship feeling certain that they are not who you want to spend the rest of your life with, then the relationship was a success.
Sometimes when we invest time into something we are afraid to walk away because we have given so much. We continue to pour into it hoping we will see different results. This can be so unhealthy and such a waste of your time, energy, and emotions. If something is not working, it’s time to cut your losses and count that time, energy, and emotions as a learning experience and a process.
Have a goal of impacting the other person’s life positively. That should be your focus and priority. Women need to be given permission that a breakup is not the end of the world. A breakup does not make you a failure and it does not make your relationship a failure.
Communication in this area is so important. You can walk away from a relationship and still express how you respect that person. Communicate how you respect them and truly build them up. Make sure you do your best to still speak life into them. Still try to impact their life and make them better even in a breakup situation.
Learning how to communicate in a brave, powerful, and loving way is key. Be honest with where you are at and where the relationship is at.
Right now they are enjoying being best friends. They are able to intentionally pursue one another as well as travel the world and do business together.
They might be buying another puppy!
In addition to a FREE 7 day trial, get 50% off your first year of HoneyBook, a $200 value!!
If you want to connect with us and other listeners in the Heart and Hustle community join our Facebook group here.
Podcast inquiries: firstname.lastname@example.org
WASSUP FRIENDS. We’re Evie + Lindsey, co-founders of this wild partayyy called The Heart University. Our goal is to empower entrepreneurs to kick freaking BUTT in their businesses, dive down into the heart of their why and how, and serve you with all possible tools you’ll need to up-level your business game and CRUSH those goals of yours.
Whether you’re coming to an in-person workshop, joining our online course, or soaking up all the strategies via this blog or our podcast, we’re STOKED you’re here + can’t wait to see you out there kicking butt.
GRAB OUR FREE GUIDE BELOW ON THE TOP 5 APPS WE USE IN CONJUNCTION WITH INSTAGRAM TO UP LEVEL OUR INSTA GAME! TRUST US, YOU'LL BE A PRO IN NO TIME!
Are you riding front seat on the Instagram struggle bus lately?
Get our 'Top 5 Apps We Use for InstA