September 16, 2021
Today’s episode is for all our Bachelor Nation listeners out there. But legit even if you’ve never liked or watched the show DON’T skip this episode. The amount of truth and life-changing wisdom in this episode is just….
Today, we’re talking to Desiree Siegfried. The world met Desiree Hartsock Siegfried as a Bachelor contestant on Sean Lowe’s season of The Bachelor. She then went on to star in Season 9 of The Bachelorette and we all quickly fell in love with this down-to-earth girl looking for love. But those shows were only the beginning of her journey that led her to marry her husband Chris who she met on the show, becoming a mother of two boys, creating her Desiree Hartsock Bridal line, and launching The Heart of Purpose podcast.
On today’s show, we have such a raw and powerful conversation with Desiree about how her story on The Bachelor shaped her into who she is today and all of the lessons she learned from both of her seasons. We talk about the drama of The Bachelor, behind-the-scenes scoops on what it’s like to fall in love on the show, being in the public eye and having so many opinions about you, and how she handled all of it.
Throughout it all, Desiree talks about knowing who you are, confidence, fame, and standing firm in your beliefs and convictions. AND if you feel like you’re constantly falling for the wrong guys, Desiree gives some powerful advice for women in finding and fighting for healthy relationships in today’s culture.
She now is living her life with her hubby and two boys in Oregon and is excited for all that is to be.
By the time Desiree was going on the show she was super broke, not always the most confident but was very accepting of who she was. Barely packing anything and then arriving and realizing girls spent thousands of dollars for wardrobes in three large bags stuffed and here she was with one duffle bag. Desiree never compared herself because she knew who she was and wasn’t going to try to be anyone different.
There was an element of acceptance that she learned throughout the show because she was constantly being compared to other ladies or other people. You have to accept yourself for you who are. You’re not going to look like all the other ladies. Accepting that she wasn’t going to be like all the other ladies has been a vital lesson in her life.
It wasn’t always that way for Desiree though. You learn to love the different parts of yourself, for her, it made her humble and more appreciative of things that happened or she received.
Don’t care about critics. No one knows your story better than you do. Some only see a glimpse and build judgment when there is so much more.
They asked Desiree pretty early on after she got eliminated. They try to put the seed in your mind early on for all the top four. She was only a week off elimination when they put it in her mind if she would be interested ever to be the lead? At that point, Desire thought no. Just coming off of a crazy journey with so many emotions. As well as being behind on bills since she wasn’t able to work, so she wasn’t sure if she would do it again. Knowing that the lead gets paid and was one of the driving factors for her as well as knowing it did work.
Being on the Bachelor Desiree realized, she was a skeptic going into it, but then when she got into it she understand why it worked and was possible. She had that hope and knew that if a door opened it was going to be from God and was just going to trust it.
That’s how Desiree lives her life, it is not by her desire. If she was going to be me chosen she knew that she was going to do it.
Desiree wouldn’t say she fell in love with Sean, she did feel the pressure to but she knew in her heart that they weren’t right. It works because you have no distractions. You are there to see if a relationship would work. No TV, no phone, no outside influence, no other men to look at, date, or talk to. You are taking that time seriously and intentionally to see if something is there. If people utilized that outside of the show? If you have a good date, why not go out the next night and the next night? The more you wait the more distractions come, or other scheduling issues come into play and it doesn’t work out when maybe it could of. You have to take away those distractions.
Say you’ve been dating a guy and you go to his apartment or see his room, you don’t know what else to talk about so you ask, “who’s this in the photo, what’s this book, etc”. You don’t have those distractions in the show so you have to be intentional with your questions. You have to go to the root of why you are there, rather than just having small talk. It’s also because of the show things move quickly since you are asking questions that most people don’t get to until a year.
Whether or not you are on the Bachelor or not you have to make sure the man you choose is marriage material and not just going to give you the ring. The goal is not a ring, the goal is a long-lasting marriage.
Having drama keeps the show relevant and good for ratings. Desiree thinks it is unnecessary but that’s because she doesn’t want to watch so much drama. The drama does take away from solid relationships that are forming that viewers don’t get to see. That happened for Desiree and Chris, they had a very solid and natural relationship growing that took the back burner because it was normal and boring and because they didn’t have any drama it wasn’t something to put on tv.
Coming off of the show Desiree was depleted of everything. Emotionally, spiritually and physically drained. And then came all the opportunities and people wanting something from her. Being an introvert and loving her space was difficult on her personality type. Coming off the show she was constantly overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by saying yes to everything, to all the opportunities. This sounds great to everyone but if you’re not taught to wait for the big opportunities you end up taking everything and you wear yourself thin. It took a few years for Desiree to see what God wanted for her.
In the meantime, she was relying on Chris and staying busy. Staying busy kept her from caring or thinking about the mean people and Chris being such a rock and didn’t care. The show ended and Chris went right back to work which was nice for her to have as her rock. Still praying but having her mind so cluttered while reading things about herself exhausted her.
As much as we say we don’t care things still affect us, it’s hard to want people to see the love that you have and not see it. It wil take many years to come to a point where you stop caring what others think.
Our heart can truly deceive us because we can be blinded by lust and who we think might be good for us rather than getting to the root of who is good for us. Desiree always dated emotionally unavailable guys but they were mysterious and cool, they kept her on her toes but at the same time, she wasn’t being validated and was the only one keeping the relationships together.
She was fighting for these relationships that weren’t meant to be. Desiree says if she had a different perspective on who God wanted for her, she wouldn’t have even entertained those years of her life on men that weren’t right for her.
We often think we need to have this intense spark and fire to keep us going. But just as quickly as something burns it will easily burn out and that’s why you truly need the guy that is going to be there. Who is steadfast, strong, and will pursue you.
The guys that keep you guessing when you are dating them can be fun, but you never want a husband or father of your children where you are constantly concerned about what they are doing. That’s not healthy. What lasts is a true friendship, a true ability to know that you can go through hard things and not run.
We take what we feel we deserve. We accept less than what we deserve but that is what we feel we are worthy of. It can stem from experience, hurt, or lack of confidence.
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WASSUP FRIENDS. We’re Evie + Lindsey, co-founders of this wild partayyy called The Heart University. Our goal is to empower entrepreneurs to kick freaking BUTT in their businesses, dive down into the heart of their why and how, and serve you with all possible tools you’ll need to up-level your business game and CRUSH those goals of yours.
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