October 28, 2021
This episode is for all our entrepreneurs working mamas out there. We’re chatting about everything balancing a career AND motherhood and the mindset behind that elusive balance and tension. Today we’re chatting with Becky Hoschek, a life and mindset coach for faith-fueled moms called to build businesses and growing careers while raising families.
Through private 1:1 coaching and her podcast, Beyond Happy, Becky helps women get unstuck and get their lives back so that they can fully live the meaningful lives they’re called to.
We asked Becky the BIGGEST questions we hear all the time and OOF she did not disappoint. She got to the heart of issues like:
“The pressure we put on ourselves as working mamas to “get back to work” immediately after having a baby”
“The mindset hacks we can utilize when it comes to balancing both motherhood AND running a business.”
She shares about how though entrepreneurship and motherhood do have unexpected ups and downs that are out of our control, there is SO much we DO have control over and talks about practical ways to actively choose the life we’re living.
PLUS she shares her thoughts on the word “busy” and the lies often associated with that phrase, especially as working mamas. Are we ACTUALLY busy? Or is it a lie we’re believing and being told?
Most of Becky’s clients feel grateful for everything that they have, most of them are married, have growing families, and have meaningful work that they are passionate about and excited about. But a lot of the time they just don’t feel great. They kind of wonder why and if something is wrong with them. Or missing something out there that everyone else knows about. Wondering why their days don’t feel better than they do. Becky comes in and helps them take a look at what is going on for them so they can get their lives back, feel better, and be more capable of showing up in the world to do all the meaningful things they care about.
Getting her degrees in graphic design and business in marketing, she knew from an early age she wanted to pursue a creative career. After her first job out of college working at Better Homes and Gardens Magazine, she realized she wanted to be her boss. That led to her launching a freelance business taking on copywriting, marketing strategy, and design work for several years. After getting married and starting a family, Becky was yearning for something where she could be at the house more, so she took up photography. Always having an interest in it, she started taking portraits for clients and continued to do freelance branding work as well. On both levels the majority of her clients were moms. Moms running a creative small business who needed help or they were moms hiring her to photograph their babies or families.
There was a common thread and pattern Becky started to see as she started to build these businesses and relationships with these moms. Sharing with her that on the outside they had lives that looked incredible and in many ways, they had everything they had ever prayed for, but yet on the inside they were kind of falling apart. Hearing those stories over and over, Becky felt the nudge that she was supposed to be serving women on a different level than she was. Something more personal and deeper.
Not sure what yet, but it all changed in a matter of 24 hours period, she was listening to a podcast episode that was talking about a life coaching program, and something resonated with her. She knew at that moment that was what she was supposed to be doing and that was her next step. Now she has been doing this work for about three years and couldn’t be happier.
We live in a world where there are a lot of opinions of what it looks like to be a good mom and what it doesn’t. It’s hard to ignore those outside influences. There are very strongly differentiated opinions on what that looks like. The best thing for any child is to have a mom who is following what feels most authentic to who she is. It doesn’t matter which direction they choose but what is going to fuel them and light them up. When they pursue that they are going to show up so differently as a mom.
Most moms want to do what’s best for their families and it’s really hard when you can’t get that answer from someone else and the world is trying to tell you what’s best for you and your family. When you have meaningful work outside of motherhood you do get a lot of questions about what is it going to take to do both of these well? Can you do both of these well? Or fear that to have a successful business that at some point they are going to have to sacrifice having a meaningful life, having enough time with their family. A belief that it’s going to be a trade-off. It creates a trap for us that feels like a loose-loose situation. Especially when we live in a world that communicates that it has to be either or and not both.
YES. The first thing we have to do to make that happen is to work through the belief that creates so much doubt for us and question whether or not it’s a possibility. One thing we have to get clear on is we have to let go of doing it all. You can do anything but you can’t do everything. Trying to do it all and everything is going to set you up for failure in terms of not being realistic. Naturally, if you are trying to do it all and you’re pulled in so many different directions, it’s hard to do any one of those things well and feel confident in your ability to do that.
Gain the confidence to feel good about your decision-making process and own that even if it looks different than the choices of your best friend or sister or your mom made for her family. The more confident you can get in owning that, the more peace you can feel at the start of your day.
There are three important pieces to making that work in a way that feels realistic and healthy.
You have to give yourself the space to revisit your why. You have to have a compelling reason and honor that people change over time. If you were 22 years old when you decided to start a business and it’s 6, 8, 10 years later, you are not the same person that you were when you were making those decisions. What might have been compelling why back then may just not resonate with you the same way now as it did. Honor that and give yourself grace in knowing that your plan then was the best plan for you in that season in your life and life changes. Your values change your priorities change and recalibrate in that way. Get clear on what does matter to you in this season, why are you choosing this path for your life, and do you like your reason?
The awareness and the focus on everything that we do has so much control over us is one of the key skill sets to learn and make lasting change in our life. It’s not something we’re taught, we grow up and are taught we are supposed to react to what life throws at us. It creates this feeling that life is very much out of our control. Yes, some of it is, there are circumstances, however, we have been intentionally created to create a huge part of our life experience and what it feels like to be us is everything. It puts us back in the driver’s seat of our own life, it helps us be more intentional than reactive. Overall it feels so much better when you feel like you are a key player and not a victim of what is unfolding all around you. You have a choice, there are options available to you, you can do something about it if you are wanting to make an important change in your life.
The first piece that we can control is the stories that we tell about ourselves about our lives every single day. Our life experience is divided between two different things, there are facts and there are the stories that we tell ourselves. The story that you are telling yourself probably matters almost more than anything else. Second to probably your faith or belief system. The story that you are telling yourself is what your life feels like. We can choose our thoughts, we know that our thinking has a ripple effect throughout our entire lives. Our thoughts create our emotions, what we’re feeling, what we’re doing, how we’re behaving or saying.
We can control whether we are going through life reacting emotionally or choosing intentionally how to show up. That is just as true in business, life, and relationships in general.
You have control over how easy or difficult a lot of our days feel based on our ability to make intentional decisions, especially decisions made ahead of time for ourselves. Harness the skill to make decisions for yourself ahead of time.
Busy has become such a normal way to describe our lives. It used to be if you ran into someone and asked how they were doing it was “fine”. Now it’s “busy”. It doesn’t matter how old you are, or who you are. If you run into someone and strike up a conversation, the word busy is probably going to come up in the first few words.
The first thing that has to happen is we have to create clarity to how “busy” is created. We tend to think it’s a fact that we are busy, busy person, busy life, but busy is not a fact. Busy is a piece of our identity that we have created from the stories that we tell ourselves. If you practice something over and over, a thought becomes a belief. And belief over time that feels very true will become this internal truth that we don’t even think to question. On top of that your friends, family, and the world you live in are always describing themselves as busy. We don’t even think to question that.
It starts with wiping the slate clean and understanding what creates the feeling of being busy. We think that it’s all that we’re doing. The length of our to-do list, our schedule, what we are committed to. All the responsibilities that we have, seem like they are creating our lives to be busy. The truth is the only thing that is ever making us feel busy is one sentence, it’s a thought that our brain offers us, “I’m so busy” or “I’m always busy”. If you think about that being thought and practiced day after day, month after year, it becomes true. It feels like who we are. The first step has nothing to do with doing less or differently, has everything to do with paying attention to the language that you are using and the stories that you are telling yourselves in the course of your day.
Busy is not something that we are but something we have created in our minds.
Our relationship with time, how we’re thinking about time is completely a mindset problem because we don’t need more time. It’s an easy direction for our brain to go. When our brain identifies a problem it finds solutions outside of us, we can’t do anything about it so we come up with something. Our brain then thinks that if only we had more time then it would be better. Too bad we can’t create more time so we’ll just have to deal and feel sad for ourselves and keep plugging along with this lack of time we don’t have. It’s this story our brain tells ourselves.
We weren’t given 24 hours a day by accident. There is purpose in us being given the time that we have and it’s not possible to be true that we don’t have enough time. We have the exact amount of time on purpose for a purpose. The idea that it is not enough, doesn’t make sense because we didn’t create it. That is something that is outside of our control but we go there because it feels like if we had more we could do X and feel so much better.
Often the real problem is if you always believe there is enough time, the issue is that we aren’t being as efficient or planning our time as well as we could or should be. Or maybe you’re overbooking or over-scheduling yourself. Those two things are things we do have control over.
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WASSUP FRIENDS. We’re Evie + Lindsey, co-founders of this wild partayyy called The Heart University. Our goal is to empower entrepreneurs to kick freaking BUTT in their businesses, dive down into the heart of their why and how, and serve you with all possible tools you’ll need to up-level your business game and CRUSH those goals of yours.
Whether you’re coming to an in-person workshop, joining our online course, or soaking up all the strategies via this blog or our podcast, we’re STOKED you’re here + can’t wait to see you out there kicking butt.
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